Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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