you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
