i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
