Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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