We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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