If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
