Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
