It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
