Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
