An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
