i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My balls are so social today.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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