Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
