piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
