I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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