i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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