The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
