I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
