I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
