Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk is not a location!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
