he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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