At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
