the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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