I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
