HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
