Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
