my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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