i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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