my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
