So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
