I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
