You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
