i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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