it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
