i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
