i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
