He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
pray to the hookup gods
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
