Kiss
Puke
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
