I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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