So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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