my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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