On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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