you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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