I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
