I wish my penis had an off switch
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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