Michael Bay diarrhea
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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