nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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