Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
