I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
