The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
