listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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