I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
