just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
