About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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