He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
